1 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,120 Hey, Woody. 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:06,680 Hey, how y 'all doing? 3 00:00:06,780 --> 00:00:07,780 All right. 4 00:00:08,820 --> 00:00:12,200 Okay, Kim, your book's coming to $519 .50. 5 00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:14,020 How'd you like to pay for it? 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,800 Visa? MasterCard? No, Mama. 7 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,720 Out of my way, baby. At these prices, you'd think Oprah would come by and read 8 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,720 them to us. 9 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,440 Well, with this card, Stedman wouldn't even read them to you. 10 00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:28,360 Here, try this. 11 00:00:31,390 --> 00:00:32,810 Now the machine's getting angry. 12 00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:36,590 Look, why don't you just try using your library card? 13 00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:37,830 They take that here? 14 00:00:38,970 --> 00:00:41,230 I cannot believe we are sorority sisters. 15 00:00:41,630 --> 00:00:42,810 Well, believe it, Hank. 16 00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:48,670 Never mind, baby. I guess I didn't get my payment. 17 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,530 Well, you need to mail them first. 18 00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:55,190 And you need to stay out of my business, because you don't know nothing about 19 00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:56,190 me. 20 00:00:57,170 --> 00:00:58,149 Okay, Woody. 21 00:00:58,150 --> 00:00:59,810 I'll just write a check. That'll be fine. 22 00:01:03,470 --> 00:01:04,470 Quick, baby, mail this. 23 00:01:56,970 --> 00:01:57,970 a job. 24 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:00,290 A job? Uh -uh. 25 00:02:00,690 --> 00:02:03,810 Mothers take care of daughters. You had me. I didn't have you. 26 00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:06,750 And I can un -have you. 27 00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:09,610 Get over to that job, boy. 28 00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:12,010 You take one side. I'll take the other. 29 00:02:13,870 --> 00:02:14,870 Oh, listen. 30 00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:17,870 Make good money right in the comfort of your own home. 31 00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:21,850 Oh, all you need is a pleasant voice in your own... 32 00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:29,170 who wants me to do freaky things with my toes. 33 00:02:29,710 --> 00:02:32,510 Unless, of course, it's Wesley Denzella. 34 00:02:32,790 --> 00:02:34,570 Ooh, Professor Ogilvie. 35 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,430 Hey, Professor Ogilvie. 36 00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:43,050 Ladies. And what might you be looking for besides me? 37 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,190 Oh, that's my cue. I'll be back. 38 00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:51,730 Well, I'm leaving tomorrow to be guest professor at San Diego State for two 39 00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:55,410 weeks, and my dog sitter fell through, so I was looking for somebody to watch 40 00:02:55,410 --> 00:02:56,450 Bruno while I was gone. 41 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,180 Well, wow, wow, wow. I know all about dogs. 42 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:02,380 I used to be married to one. 43 00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:05,540 Oh, good. 44 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,140 So then I guess you wouldn't be interested. 45 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,320 No, I'm very interested. 46 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:16,560 Really? 47 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,900 Well, I'm only paying $10 a day. 48 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,920 Nonsense. I couldn't take your money. Just take me out for a nice romantic 49 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,180 dinner when you get back. 50 00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:25,940 Okay, $15. 51 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:29,940 You're so crazy. 52 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:34,780 Just drop them off at my house tomorrow, and we'll take it from there. I don't 53 00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:38,720 know. Bruno's very important to me. Trust me. He'll be in good hands. 54 00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:41,760 And if you play your cards right, so will you. 55 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,120 I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Parker. 56 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:54,050 Face it, Mama, that man doesn't want you like my man wants you. It's me. 57 00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:55,850 Hey, T! 58 00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:57,230 What's up, Kim? 59 00:03:57,490 --> 00:03:59,970 Take note, Mama. This is the line you use to get your man. 60 00:04:00,230 --> 00:04:01,149 Hey, T! 61 00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:02,810 Would you like to take me to the movies tonight? 62 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,210 Hell yeah! 63 00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,470 because I'm taking it back for a full refund. 64 00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:39,330 Bonjour, little kid. 65 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:40,810 Hey, Desiree. 66 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:44,130 Hey, you're looking foxy, Miss Foo Boo Boo. 67 00:04:45,570 --> 00:04:48,370 Foxy? Mama, hip lesson for today. 68 00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:49,610 We say... 69 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,600 I'll bite your little furry butt back. 70 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,040 It's a note. 71 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,840 Dear Miss Parker. 72 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,520 He called me dear. 73 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,660 My baby loves me. 74 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:57,780 There are some things you need to know. It's very important that you... What? 75 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,720 Stop jocking me? Get off my tip? Leave me the hell alone? 76 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:06,380 Where's who's got jokes when you're sleeping next to Bruno? 77 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:13,319 is missing. 78 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,340 Oh, well, if it was that important, he would have told me. Come on, Kim. Let's 79 00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:17,340 go make some bites. 80 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,900 Stu Pappas. How can I help you? Hi, I'm Kim Parker. 81 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,340 And this is my mother, Mama. 82 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:55,540 Kim? 83 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:56,800 Nice to meet you. 84 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:58,280 Mama? 85 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,920 Uh -uh. I ain't your mama. The name's Nikki. 86 00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:03,540 I'm gonna get straight to it, Stu. 87 00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,380 Does this job include talking dirty? 88 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:07,440 No, no. That's two doors down. 89 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:10,000 This is the karmic connection. 90 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,060 You mean this is the psychic hotline? 91 00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:14,840 How'd you know that? You got a natural -born talent, young lady. 92 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,400 Well, I always felt like I had psychic abilities. 93 00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:20,160 I mean, I knew the Wild Wild West would be a Wild Wild mess. 94 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,120 The force is very strong with this one. 95 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,940 What about you, Nikki? You ever feel you have any special abilities? 96 00:07:29,460 --> 00:07:30,459 Yes. 97 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:33,120 I'm blessed with the ability to detect bull crap. 98 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:37,120 Okay. Okay, I hear you. 99 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,620 Let's just take this simple test and see where you're at psychically. 100 00:07:41,940 --> 00:07:43,480 Now, I want you to concentrate. 101 00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:47,440 Can you tell me what word is written on the other side of this card? 102 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,300 No. 103 00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:51,580 Amazing. 104 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,180 You would be surprised how many people get that wrong. 105 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,000 So do we have the job? 106 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,400 Oh, you have your own phone? 107 00:07:59,540 --> 00:08:01,980 Uh -huh. Well, you both do have loud, clear voices. 108 00:08:02,260 --> 00:08:03,260 Sure do. 109 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,420 Congratulations. You just passed our rigorous eligibility test. 110 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:09,160 Oh, how much money can we make? 111 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,260 Well, let's just say it's all about Benjamin. 112 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,820 You make 25 % on every call you take, and before you know it, you'll be living 113 00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:17,759 on Easy Street. 114 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,440 Ooh, that's always been my favorite address. 115 00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:22,780 Isn't that somewhere near Dumbass Boulevard? 116 00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:31,720 Jill, Mama, I thought you said we needed a job. We don't need just any job. Yes, 117 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,840 we do. Right now, we're living la vida broca. 118 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,380 I'll tell you what, Nicky, maybe this might help ease your mind. I don't 119 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:43,080 do this, but I'm sensing big dollars for the both of you. Ooh, you got good 120 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:48,580 sense. So I'm going to post -date this check, and in one week, if I'm wrong, 121 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,180 feel free to cash it. You're going to have to write me a check for a whole lot 122 00:08:52,180 --> 00:08:54,080 more than $2 ,500. 123 00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:19,930 Madam Nubian, no, I don't know if Don King is going to give Mike Tyson his 124 00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:21,670 back. Oh, you did. 125 00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:24,290 Oh, I'm sorry, Mike. 126 00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:32,590 Princess Destiny, you got the dime, I got the time. 127 00:09:33,850 --> 00:09:34,970 When will you die? 128 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,830 Well, how old are you? 129 00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:39,330 Ninety -seven soon. 130 00:09:43,310 --> 00:09:44,310 73rd call today. 131 00:09:44,890 --> 00:09:46,250 I'm starting to believe myself. 132 00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:50,550 If we keep getting calls like this, we won't even need college. 133 00:09:50,910 --> 00:09:52,090 Uh -uh. Speak for yourself. 134 00:09:52,390 --> 00:09:56,510 I'm getting my education, and I'm going to move on up to my deluxe apartment in 135 00:09:56,510 --> 00:09:57,510 the sky. 136 00:09:59,030 --> 00:10:00,250 I got it, Weezy. 137 00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:07,050 Princess Destiny, your future is my commission. 138 00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:08,449 Yeah, hi. 139 00:10:08,450 --> 00:10:11,290 I've never done this before. My name is... T? 140 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,120 Dang, you good. 141 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:16,000 How may Prince of Destiny help you? 142 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,620 Well, uh, somebody taped your car to a rock and threw it through my window last 143 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:22,820 night. So, uh, I took it as a silence. I need to call you. 144 00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:24,440 Wise decision. 145 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:28,920 Speak to me. Well, I met this really fly girl, and I was wondering if you could, 146 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,040 uh, see a future for us. 147 00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:33,620 Let's see. If her name's Chandra. 148 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,220 Right. She ain't no good. 149 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:41,360 Really? Really. I see you with a lovely creature whose name begins with a K. 150 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,020 and ends with an M. 151 00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:45,560 Begins with a K and ends with an M? 152 00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:47,880 Nope, I don't see it. 153 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,300 And I'm also seeing one eye. 154 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,040 Sony has one eye. 155 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:59,660 Forget it, I just look for Miss K .I .M. in a baby blue top and some black capri 156 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:03,640 pants. Miss K .I .M. in a baby blue top and black capri pants? 157 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,420 Okay, peace. 158 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:10,180 Ooh, he's a full package. Tall, dark, and stupid. 159 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:15,800 Oh, 160 00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:16,940 hi, Miss Agnes. 161 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,400 Yes, I said that your husband Fred will contact you today. 162 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,160 He didn't? 163 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,220 You went out to get your mail, didn't you? 164 00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:27,740 Darn, that's when he tried. 165 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,720 Oh, hey, Stu. 166 00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:33,500 Hey, Stu, what brings you by? 167 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:34,700 Hello, ladies. 168 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,060 You didn't happen to cash that check I gave you, did you? 169 00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:38,940 Kim, go get Mama's belt. 170 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,160 No, wait, you don't understand. 171 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,280 I want to take back that check and... 172 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,800 I'll give you this one. 173 00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:49,940 Grab your jacket, baby. The BMW dealership closes in 15 minutes. 174 00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,660 That's $314. 175 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,040 So what's it going to be this time, ladies? 176 00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:03,740 MasterCard? Visa? 177 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,400 Blockbuster? 178 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,900 Ha, ha. We come bearing cash. 179 00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:10,720 Bam! That's $100. 180 00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:13,010 That's 200. 181 00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,990 Stand back. Mama's got bank. 182 00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:17,770 That's 300. 183 00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:20,150 And a baby. 184 00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:24,930 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. 185 00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:27,670 I think that about covers everything here. 186 00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:29,710 Damn, what'd y 'all do? Rob a bank? 187 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,330 What's up, Kim? 188 00:12:49,710 --> 00:12:51,330 Oh, my bad. You look good, too. 189 00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:56,130 Oh, these old black refants and baby blue blouse. 190 00:12:57,490 --> 00:13:00,970 You know, a psychic told me I was going to meet a girl wearing your exact same 191 00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:02,150 outfit. And? 192 00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:03,630 That's freaky, huh? 193 00:13:04,790 --> 00:13:05,790 I'll see you later. 194 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:15,030 Come on, sweetheart. Forget that boy. Trust Mama. Your babies would be crazy. 195 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,260 Agnes Douglas is just one of the new poor living on the streets of L .A. Miss 196 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:27,580 Douglas, how did you come to find yourself in this situation? 197 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:34,900 Well, after my husband Fred left me, I spent my life savings calling up one of 198 00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:39,620 those psychic hotlines, wondering if I'd ever see him again. 199 00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:43,100 Your whole life savings? Yes. I'm so sorry. 200 00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:46,140 Oh, my God, that's Miss Agnes. Oh, don't be. 201 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,300 Madam Nubian says he's coming back. 202 00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:51,380 Thank you. 203 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:55,860 Well, there you have it, folks. Another example of the exploitation of the weak 204 00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:56,860 and the elderly. 205 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,140 Shame on you wherever you are, Madam Nubian. 206 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,980 This is Lisa Wong reporting. 207 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,520 Oh, Mama, thank God they don't know you're Madam Nubian. I mean, Madam Mama. 208 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,620 I can't believe my sweet Miss Agnes is broke and homeless because of us. 209 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,940 Us? I never spoke to Miss Agnes. Well, you're about to get your chance. Come 210 00:14:26,570 --> 00:14:27,570 Come in, Miss Adams. 211 00:14:27,770 --> 00:14:33,050 Oh, thank you for letting me stay. And as soon as Fred comes, I'll be on my 212 00:14:33,390 --> 00:14:35,950 Now, now, don't you worry. You don't care a top about that. 213 00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:37,830 Let's get you situated. 214 00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:43,370 You weren't planning on putting her in my room, were you? 215 00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:45,050 Oh, you really are psychic. 216 00:14:46,530 --> 00:14:48,210 Now get that dog off your new bed. 217 00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:54,990 Mama, what does a dog look like when it's dead? 218 00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:57,360 Pretty much like that, except it wouldn't be breathing. 219 00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:59,280 No, you mean exactly like that. 220 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,680 Girl, what are you talking about? 221 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,060 Yep, he's definitely dead. 222 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,820 I've been there. 223 00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:08,580 Right now, he's floating towards that white light. 224 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,020 Oh, and I guess I better go get a hefty bag. 225 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:13,320 No! 226 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,360 I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm over her. 227 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,840 She uses up all the hot water. She never gives me my phone message. 228 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,320 And she's starting to dip in my closet. 229 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:18,620 That's not the half of our problems. 230 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,800 According to my checkbook, baby, we're not going to be here much longer. 231 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,140 Between feeding Miss Agnes and you, I'm almost tapped out. 232 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,700 Oh, like you don't eat. 233 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,900 you can tell me how you plan to pay a $700 phone bill. What you talking about, 234 00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:56,940 Mama? 235 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,860 Don't play me. That was the phone company. 236 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:05,040 They said over 4976 calls were made from here this past week. 237 00:17:05,339 --> 00:17:06,520 Hold it right there, Auntie. 238 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:15,079 Well, since I found out that you two are frauds, I had to seek direction from 239 00:17:15,079 --> 00:17:16,079 some... 240 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,310 Lassie, go home. 241 00:17:24,890 --> 00:17:25,890 Be nice. 242 00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:28,510 When I murder the professor, Lassie will be your brother. 243 00:17:30,890 --> 00:17:31,809 Where's Bruno? 244 00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:33,510 I don't know. He was here a minute ago. 245 00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:36,470 Who left the kitchen door open? 246 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,650 Hold it, golden girl. 247 00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:42,790 I was just letting in some fresh air. 248 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:44,450 It's getting a little close. 249 00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,500 I told you I was coming by to pick up Bruno. 250 00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:09,300 Bruno? And I know him from... Two weeks ago when I dropped him off. 251 00:18:09,660 --> 00:18:10,920 Oh, that Bruno. 252 00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:12,780 Come in, Professor. 253 00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:14,560 Well, thank you for taking care of Bruno. 254 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,120 I hope his narcolepsy didn't flare up. 255 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:18,520 His narco -who? 256 00:18:21,140 --> 00:18:24,280 Narcolepsy. He has a tendency to pass out at the drop of a hat. 257 00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:25,800 It's like he's dead. 258 00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:28,680 It was all in the note. You read it, didn't you? 259 00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:34,610 Yeah, so where is he? Bruno, come here, boy. 260 00:18:37,270 --> 00:18:38,670 He's running around here somewhere. 261 00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:41,690 He's just like you. I can't keep up with him. 262 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,000 out of here. You mean you're really going to put her out on the streets? 263 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,680 Even better. 264 00:19:58,020 --> 00:19:59,680 This is Nana Nubian. 265 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,420 Age is wisdom. 266 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:04,000 What am I wearing? 267 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:09,680 Oh, no, no. This is a psychic hotline, not a sex line. 268 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,240 Uh -huh. 269 00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,940 No, I don't know when you'll have sex. 270 00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:47,470 It's time for me to do my share. 271 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:49,550 Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you. 272 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:50,870 Give me some love. 273 00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:54,050 Now ring Mama up. 274 00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:57,510 That'll be $15 .29. 275 00:20:57,810 --> 00:20:59,210 Is it all right if I write a check? 276 00:20:59,430 --> 00:21:00,430 Sure, Mama. 277 00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:01,790 ID, please. 278 00:21:03,810 --> 00:21:04,810 I'm your mama. 279 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,350 I still need to see something. 280 00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:12,110 How about I show you the stretch marks from when I carried you for 19 months? 281 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,040 You got the dime, I got the dime. 282 00:21:21,620 --> 00:21:22,620 How old are you? 283 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,040 No. How old are you? I don't know. 284 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,760 Madam Nubian, what does your future hold?